Who we think we are. Who God says we are.

Identity. One way that the American heritage dictionary defines the word identity is as follows: "The set of characteristics by which a person or thing is definitively recognizable or known." At it's core, identity is simply an answer to the question, "who am I?" I believe that this question is generally the driving force in a person's life and will lost likely determine the path they will follow: a path determined by ones identity, or a path in search of one's identity. I think that regardless of whether we start with a positive or negative sense of identity, we all want to know that our life means something in this world. A life without meaning, to most people, would hardly seem worth living. In this post, I'd like to take a look at some of the general things that influence who we think we are, and most importantly, what God says about who we are.

I think that we initially derive a working definition of our identity based on our surroundings when we are young. We receive direct and indirect messages from those around us, whether it's our family or whoever is taking care of us, that reveal our value and purpose to those we are entrusted to. If we are lucky, we learn that we are loved by our family, and that we were planned with purpose. Perhaps in some cases we weren't planned, but our family most definitely found purpose and joy in our existence regardless. Although no one has a perfect childhood, the person in this set of circumstances will most likely have far less struggles if they have a stable home, and are made to feel loved and valued as a child.

So what about those who were less fortunate, and weren't validated in their existence, and may have even been told repeatedly that their coming into the world ruined a parent's chance at leading the life they wanted? What about those who experienced traumatic events or types of abuse, and internalized a message that they exist solely as a punching bag, or for the pleasure of others? Where is hope for those who feel as if their life has no meaning, and and are reminded every day of their feelings of insignificance in a life they feel is pointless? Many people in this camp will go searching for meaning and purpose.  We can look to all sorts of things to fill that void within us that is looking for love and meaning, we can use love, sex, drugs and alcohol, politics, success, fame, and on and on and on. The modern era of internet has enabled different groups of people to connect with each other in ways that were never previously possible, so we find many individuals "identifying" with these groups, ultimately just wanting to belong somewhere. When we feel rejected by those who should love us the most, we just want to feel that embrace of acceptance by someone, and that we mean something to someone.

I'm here to tell you that regardless of who you think you are, whether good or bad, the Bible has much to say about who we are and why we were created. God has already given the answer in his word, to the question that he knew all of humanity would ask themselves. If you are struggling to find meaning or purpose in your life, the Bible has the answers you are looking for. If you think you already know who you are and why you are here, the Bible has something for you too. The Bible has the answers that every person is looking for, no matter what you currently believe about yourself.

For those who felt unwanted, or that their existence was unplanned by their biological parents, the words of God to the prophet Jeremiah speak boldly to you that you were no mistake, and that you were created and known by God before you were even born. It is possible that you were unwanted by your biological family, but it's not true about God. Your life was planned, you are known, you are seen, and you are set apart with work to do for his purposes:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations,” -Jeremiah 1:5 NIV.

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb," -Psalm 139:13 ESV.

Regardless of what any person tells you or says about you, your life and your soul matter to God. You were created in his image, and you have the very breath of God in your lungs, it's what gives you life:

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them," -Genesis 1:27 NIV.

"...then the Lord God formed [that is, created the body of] man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and the man became a living being [an individual complete in body and spirit]," -Genesis 2:7 AMP.

To those who feel insignificant, or feel unseen by those around you, did you know that the Lord knows the amount of hairs on your head, and that you hold infinite value to your creator?

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows," -Luke 12:6-7 NIV.

The fact that identity is a driving force for all people to search out for meaning in their life is no surprise to me. We were made to be in relationship with God, our creator. The Bible tells us that God "...has also set eternity in the human heart," (Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV). I believe this is the part in every person that knows there is something more to life than than just living, it's about who we are, and what we were created for. God plants this longing within us so that we will search for him, because we are told that "You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart," -Jeremiah 29:13 ESV. God wants us to come to him because he loves us, he desires to be with us, and he desires for us to be free from the burdens of this world. This is the very reason that Jesus came to Earth and paid the penalty for sin that each one of us deserves, but out of his love for you, he paid that cost himself to be with you. Sin is what keeps us from God, because he is holy, pure, and righteous, and we could never come to him in our current state: full of sin and brokenness, deserving death because of it. Jesus Christ took that punishment upon himself to be with you, that's how loved you are:

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord," -Romans 6:23 ESV.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life," -John 3:16 ESV.

So what does the message of the Bible have to do with finding our identity in this world? It's the message of who we are, from the one who created us. It's our true identity. In this world there are many competing ideas of why we are here, and who we are, but only one is true, and it's the only one that truly brings fulfillment in the depths of our soul. The truth of our identity in Christ is that it is so simple to understand, that even a child can grasp it. For that reason, many will reject this truth based on intellectualism, or from a drive to prove they can save themselves by their own strength and efforts. To find oneself by your own effort is an incredible burden to bear, and the burden of God is easy and light to carry, for Jesus comes alongside of us and walks through life with us, helping us to carry that load. The irony of finding our true identity in the Lord is that we only find it when we come to the end of ourself, when we recognize that we will never finding meaning and purpose in defining ourselves by the things of this world, but only in Christ alone:

"For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it," -Matthew 16:25 NIV.

The family unit is meant to reflect God's love, but is often tarnished by sin and brokenness, and does not properly do that. The further the family unit degrades in our society, and the further we get from God, I find it no surprise at all to find a growing identity crisis in much of our population. If you have believed lies about who you are, or why you are alive today, I want you to know that you are loved by God, you were put here for a reason, and those lies you thought were true about yourself, will never be true. Jesus came and died for you, just so he could be with you forever. God doesn't need any one of us, but he chose to willingly lay down his life out of his love for you, and if you were the only one alive, he would have made the same choice. If all of this sounds too good to be true, because you think you don't deserve to be loved or forgiven, I want you to know that God says otherwise. Sometimes when we have believed those lies long enough, they exist deep within our hearts, and although our mind can read truth and believe it, our heart can tell us the opposite, we call this double-mindedness. God wants all of your heart, he wants to shine the light of his truth in the depths of your heart to show you the truth about who you are, why you are here, and how much he loves you. Jesus is the source of life, he gives us freedom from the burdens of this world, and has promised to be with us always, until the end of the age. This is the message of the gospel, the good news of Jesus Christ, and it is the only source of identity that truly sets us free:

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed," -John 8:36 NIV.

"And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age," -Matthew 28:20 ESV.

"Every adult you see, is just an 8 year old in a big body"

"Every adult you see, is just an 8 year old in a big body...because nobody actually knows how to be emotionally mature, because it's not something you're born with. It's a skill you that have to want to learn, and that you have to practice," - Mel Robbins.

I saw this video and it really resonated with me, as it lines up well with much of what I've learned in the last few years while doing a lot of work to improve my mental health, my relationship with God, and all the people that I love. Probably one of the most significant realizations that I've had in these last few years, is that it seems that as adults, initially all of our current emotional patterns and habits were actually developed back in our early childhood. Once you start to see how the dots connect, you begin to see how it all goes back to childhood, and then you can take steps to change the patterns, if you're willing.

I remember learning about this logically during some counseling at first, but once I started to see it actually play out in reality, I couldn't unsee it. While doing brain-spotting at one counseling center, I was amazed how almost all of the memories that came up while exploring current issues I was struggling with would connect to childhood memories. We learn how to cope with our environment at a young age when most of us are defenseless to change our situation, and God has created our brains to be able to adapt to that so we can survive. When we get older though and able to change our situation more easily, we often find ourselves acting out those same those same behavior patterns that we developed in childhood. We have the ability now though as adults to look back and make the connection, and work to change those behaviors, but it seems that often many people don't want to.

For those of us that had traumatic things happen during those years, we had some extra baggage to sort though once we decided that we wanted to stop being stuck in those immature behavior patterns. In order to break the cycle of these childish behaviors, that means we have to return to the source, and if the original memory is filled with painful events and feelings, it can be a difficult task. The question I would always ask myself though if I was struggling with the idea of working through the past, was this, "do I want to continue being a victim and perpetuating this cycle within my family, or do I want to break the cycle?" When I would frame my situation in that light, and keep the future in front me and in focus, that always helped me to get my goals straight and to push forward and do the hard work.

It can be incredibly difficult to return to painful memories in our past, because for many of us it revealed or confirmed lies that we believed about ourselves. God has much to say though about who we are, because we are created in His image, have His breath in our lungs, and have an intentional purpose to our life, regardless of what we thought based on things that happened to us in the past. God uses all things for His glory, and that includes giving freedom to His children who want to pursue it. We have to first be willing to recognize that we are broken as people, and we often are not operating the way we should be because of the false beliefs we carry about ourselves. Due to these false beliefs, we create defense mechanisms to prevent people, or circumstances, from getting to those wounds and hurting us. This causes us to hurt people in return, as we often re-enact what we learned in our childhood. Once we see the pattern though, we began to connect the dots, and the more we do that, the faster we can make a choice to respond differently. Once we can see the lies we have believed about ourselves, we can take that to God, and He is able to shine light on it and reveal what His truth is about us. When we reach this point, it is a complete game changer. We have to make that choice though, we have to choose to admit that we are stuck in the past, and only when we begin to look back at the source, can we find the key to unlock the present. With God's help, we can find true healing and restoration. I have experienced it myself, and I attest to this as true.

Just one way to God?

I think something that many people struggle with in Christianity is the idea that there is only one path to God. I believe the Bible could not be more clear on this issue, as it talks about it from cover to cover. All the way through the old testament we see God stating that he is the one and only true God, giving a command for his followers to have no other gods before him. When Jesus comes onto the scene, He has the same message and boldly declares that he is the one and only way:

"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me,'" -John 14:6 NIV.

Our culture has a hard time accepting a message that says there's only one way to God, because they think it's not inclusive enough. I would argue that is simply not true though, and would say that Christianity is the most inclusive view on God that exists. I think Tim Keller summarized this view best when he said:

"The gospel is an exclusive truth, but it's the most inclusive exclusive truth in the world."

Every worldview has an exclusive truth claim. Christianity is not like most other religions of the world that are works based and have steep requirements for getting into the afterlife or attaining enlightenment. No, the requirements of Christianity are simply faith in and devotion to the one true God: everyone is invited to the table, but it's up to us if we accept the offer. How's that for radical inclusivity? The offer is for everyone, but many do not want to submit control of their lives to God and they want to be the masters of their own destiny. God gives us this choice. Where we spend eternity is completely up to us.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life," -John 5:24 ESV.