"Every adult you see, is just an 8 year old in a big body"

"Every adult you see, is just an 8 year old in a big body...because nobody actually knows how to be emotionally mature, because it's not something you're born with. It's a skill you that have to want to learn, and that you have to practice," - Mel Robbins.

I saw this video and it really resonated with me, as it lines up well with much of what I've learned in the last few years while doing a lot of work to improve my mental health, my relationship with God, and all the people that I love. Probably one of the most significant realizations that I've had in these last few years, is that it seems that as adults, initially all of our current emotional patterns and habits were actually developed back in our early childhood. Once you start to see how the dots connect, you begin to see how it all goes back to childhood, and then you can take steps to change the patterns, if you're willing.

I remember learning about this logically during some counseling at first, but once I started to see it actually play out in reality, I couldn't unsee it. While doing brain-spotting at one counseling center, I was amazed how almost all of the memories that came up while exploring current issues I was struggling with would connect to childhood memories. We learn how to cope with our environment at a young age when most of us are defenseless to change our situation, and God has created our brains to be able to adapt to that so we can survive. When we get older though and able to change our situation more easily, we often find ourselves acting out those same those same behavior patterns that we developed in childhood. We have the ability now though as adults to look back and make the connection, and work to change those behaviors, but it seems that often many people don't want to.

For those of us that had traumatic things happen during those years, we had some extra baggage to sort though once we decided that we wanted to stop being stuck in those immature behavior patterns. In order to break the cycle of these childish behaviors, that means we have to return to the source, and if the original memory is filled with painful events and feelings, it can be a difficult task. The question I would always ask myself though if I was struggling with the idea of working through the past, was this, "do I want to continue being a victim and perpetuating this cycle within my family, or do I want to break the cycle?" When I would frame my situation in that light, and keep the future in front me and in focus, that always helped me to get my goals straight and to push forward and do the hard work.

It can be incredibly difficult to return to painful memories in our past, because for many of us it revealed or confirmed lies that we believed about ourselves. God has much to say though about who we are, because we are created in His image, have His breath in our lungs, and have an intentional purpose to our life, regardless of what we thought based on things that happened to us in the past. God uses all things for His glory, and that includes giving freedom to His children who want to pursue it. We have to first be willing to recognize that we are broken as people, and we often are not operating the way we should be because of the false beliefs we carry about ourselves. Due to these false beliefs, we create defense mechanisms to prevent people, or circumstances, from getting to those wounds and hurting us. This causes us to hurt people in return, as we often re-enact what we learned in our childhood. Once we see the pattern though, we began to connect the dots, and the more we do that, the faster we can make a choice to respond differently. Once we can see the lies we have believed about ourselves, we can take that to God, and He is able to shine light on it and reveal what His truth is about us. When we reach this point, it is a complete game changer. We have to make that choice though, we have to choose to admit that we are stuck in the past, and only when we begin to look back at the source, can we find the key to unlock the present. With God's help, we can find true healing and restoration. I have experienced it myself, and I attest to this as true.