The day God showed up for my son's birthday

As far as anniversaries and special days go, today is up pretty high on my list. For one thing, it's a very special day in my family because it is the day that my youngest son Edwin was born. As if that wasn't enough, he shares his birthday with a cousin, and with my Grandpa too. Besides the beautiful celebration of life in my family on this date, it also marks a very important date in my personal journey of faith, as it intersects with my sobriety story, marking 14 years since I gave up drinking alcohol permanently. Although I would like to be able to say that was the beginning of completely sober living for me, really it was just the start of recognizing a pattern of addiction that would take me many years to overcome with the Lord's help. I believe this moment was a "fork in the road" moment for me, as far as which way my life could have gone based on my own decisions. It was also a defining moment in my faith in God, because he showed up in a very big way to help me make the best decision on this issue, and I realized that I couldn't do it without Him.

In order to fully understand the significance of this anniversary date and what it means to me, I'd like to show you how it fits into the larger story of my life and my walk with the Lord. In order to do that properly, I have to start at the beginning. Having grown up without religion, and around various addictions, it is not surprising that I began to use drugs by the time I was in middle school. I initially tried various drugs as a way to fit in the with group of kids I was hanging out with at the time, and I found that I enjoyed the escapism and alternate realities that those substances offered to me. After some conflict in school that happened with those same friends I was hanging out with, and a few other life events that happened, I quit using drugs for the time being, and hoped it would be a permanent change.

During the summer that followed that school year, my siblings and I went to visit my dad and stepmom in Tennessee, as we had done for several years before, but this time was different: they had recently become Christians. After observing their different behavior and change in lifestyles, I could not deny that something happened that was real, because the changes were obvious. This provided evidence of God that I had never seen in a personal way like this before, so I was intrigued about it. As time went on, we attended church with my parents, and I saw changes in some cousins that also were living in the area at the time, and had also given their lives to Christ. It seemed to me like God was doing something right in front of my eyes, but it was so new to me, I wasn't sure how this could be possible...was God actually real? The wheels of thought in my mind were turning as I tried to make sense of everything that had happened and changed within my family, and eventually I found myself confronting the very question of God's existence in my own life.

One Saturday evening, we had some of our cousins over to spend the night, as we were all going to go to church together in the morning. My cousin Richie, who I really looked up to at the time and is still like a brother to me to this day, challenged me and said that I should "go up to the altar" at church tomorrow and give my heart to Jesus. Was that really something I could do? I wasn't even sure if I believed in this yet. Sure, I could see the evidence all around me, but how could I know that it was real? As I tried to go to bed that night, I couldn't get this idea out of my head, and with no other options that I could think of, I decided to pray the first real prayer of my life. I talked to God out of the sincerity of my heart, and I told him that if he would show me that he was real, that I would give my life to him, and I meant every word of it. The very moment that I prayed that prayer, I felt a warmth, peace, and joy come over me that was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. Having done quite a few drugs the year before, this was different, this was unlike any of those experiences. I don't know how long the experience lasted in terms of actual time, but I knew that my prayer was just answered in a very personal and powerful way, so my mind was made up. The next day at church, I went with my cousin up to the altar and told the Lord Jesus that I knew I needed him, and that I wanted to give my life to him. At the age of 14, I don't think I fully understood much about what that really meant, but I knew that God was real, and I knew that I wanted to live for him. For the first time in my life, I was a professed Christian who loved Jesus.

When that summer came to a close, we went back to Wisconsin and moved to another city due to a job change for my stepdad. This felt like a blessing at the time because I had lots of fear about having to tell my old friends that I was a Christian. Although I didn't fully recognize it for what it was at the time, I know looking back now that I had massive insecurity issues, which is why I was frequently willing to compromise on beliefs and engage in activities I may not have done otherwise, in order to fit in with a certain group of people. This move offered a chance to start with a clean slate with my new faith, and to try and get a firm foundation underneath me. Things started off well, but the job changed turned out to not be great, and after a semester we moved back to the city we just left, back to my old group of friends. Initially things kept a similar rhythm for me, as I got involved with a youth group, and made new friends at the same high school. My old friends were still there though, and I slowly started hanging out with them more and more. By the time I was in my junior year of high school, I had stopped attending youth group and had started doing drugs here and there again. By my senior year of high school, I was dealing with some childhood events that put me into a deep depression and for the first time in my life, I was using drugs to numb emotional pain, often just to get to sleep at night so I could stop hearing the suicidal thoughts that kept going through my head. Smoking weed became the way that I got through tough times, because I just didn't have any other healthy coping skills yet. Numbing out was really all I knew how to do if things got hard in life, and although my faith in God was still very real, I continued to really struggle with my depression for some time.

Eventually after talking about suicide with a friend, he notified my parents out of concern for me, which set off a chain of events that became a journey for me where I learned a lot about mental health and counseling. I tried a traditional method of counseling for the first time and gained enough tools to pull out of the depression and move on with my life. Within a couple years, I met my future wife, moved to Madison, and we got married within a year of dating. We started our life together, and I made new friends, many of which I still have today. Although life was going very well, I continued on what I eventually observed to be a roller coaster effect in my life of leaning heavily into my Christian faith, and eventually falling heavily back into partying, using drugs and drinking a lot of alcohol. I did this for years, and my faith in God was genuine and never faltered, yet my struggle with substances was rooted in some stuff that I wouldn't begin to understand until many years later, so I kept on with this vacillation between a party lifestyle, and eventually trying harder to leave that behind out of conviction that it was wrong. As time went on, the substances began to feel more and more like a burden, although I wouldn't admit it yet. I began to hear from family members that I wasn't as fun as I used to when I drank, and in fact there were times when I was just outright mean.  This was a pattern that continued for years, and in the last few years of my drinking, there were several incidents that happened that increased in severity, and I could no longer ignore the reality that was right in front of me, although I tried to ignore it.

Things finally came to a head one night when we were at a friend's birthday party when Steph was pregnant with Edwin. I got wasted and didn't want to leave to go home, I wanted to stay and keep drinking with my friends. I was extremely rude to her, and said extremely condescending things to her that I would never say in a sober state. I was confronted by my actions the next day when she told me how I had treated her the night before. I was ashamed of myself. This was not the first time I had been ashamed of my behavior from drinking though, that was nothing new. Stephanie did something she hadn't done before this time, she challenged me to go without drinking for the remainder of her pregnancy, and she told me she didn't think I could do it. Initially, I agreed with her and said that I didn't think I could do it either, and in making that confession something got angry inside of me, and I couldn't believe what I had just said. Can I really not control my drinking? Am I really so controlled by this substance, that I am not willing or able to put it aside, when I can clearly see the damage that it is doing to my life? That was enough for me, and I decided to accept her challenge and prove to her that I was the one who was in control of my behaviors. From that day on, I planned on not drinking any alcohol until my son was born. Challenge accepted!

At this point in my story, you can pretty much fast forward at least six months or so, I quit drinking without issue, as I was only looking at it from a short-term perspective and had plans to go back to drinking again after our son was born. As it turns out though, God had something different in mind for our family. Within the last month or two before Edwin was to be born, I began to feel that God was putting this issue of drinking on my heart again, and I felt him calling me to think about the future of my family and to make a long term decision. Truthfully, I think that I knew I had to quit drinking for good, as I knew any return to it would end up with the same behavior patterns. In my stubbornness though, I didn't want to accept that. In God's patience and mercy though, he put several people in my life at just the right time and in those moments, I knew they were there to speak wisdom into my life and provide confirmation that the best decision for me to make, was to leave alcohol in my past. And yet, I couldn't get myself to make that commitment, there was something that felt risky and scary about giving that up, so I kicked the can down the road a little longer.

At this point I need to tell you some additional information about our son that was going to be born soon: we did not have a name picked out for him yet. We had almost no difficulty in naming our first two children, but to date, we could not agree on a name combination for our second son. It was not for lack of effort either! We had tried so many name combinations, there were ones I liked and she didn't like, and vice versa. We had gone around and around on the baby name websites, and we just couldn't come to an agreement, and we were both very bothered by this. A name is something serious though, you can't just pick a name out of a hat, it has to mean something! As the father to another son about to be born, I began to feel a degree of shame, and feeling like a failure, because I couldn't come through and figure this situation out for my family, but I didn't know what to do.

We came to the day that Edwin was to be born via planned C-section, and I eventually found myself alone in a surgical prep room as they prepared Stephanie for surgery, so we could welcome our new baby boy into the world. As I waited for them to call me into the operating room, the sound of silence in the room was deafening, and all I could think about was that my son was about to be born, and I did not know what to name him. I was completely devastated. I didn't know what else to do but to pray. I called out to God in a completely humble and honest prayer as tears ran down my cheeks. I asked the Lord to tell me what the name of my son was supposed to be, and in return all I could think about was that I had not yet made a decision about my drinking. I had not made my decision yet because of fear: fear of the unknown. What would my friends think? Drinking was a part of so many things for me, and it was intimidating to think of losing that ritual. But I was more terrified to not do what I knew God wanted me to do, and what my family needed me to do. At that moment, I made the commitment to never drink alcohol again. I told God that I really needed a name for my son, but even if He didn't provide that, I would still hold up to my end of the bargain and I was done drinking forever. I kid you not, the moment I made that commitment, I received the name Gabriel in my head. I was honestly shocked and at first I did not know what to do with that information. It wasn't until a couple days later when Stephanie was recovered enough from the surgery and I was able to share my experience with her, that we figured out that the name Gabriel was the puzzle piece we needed to finally name our newly born son. For the first time, we agreed on his name, and that was Edwin Gabriel.

To this date, I never drank alcohol again. As it turns out though, this was really just the first stage of what would take many years to recognize as not just an alcohol problem, but an addiction problem that was coupled with poor conflict and emotion management skills. The reality is that I went from alcohol to an Adderall addiction in a very short period of time. Eventually, more negative behaviors resulted from that and I again saw God's guiding hand as he gave me clarity about the potential destruction I was bringing into my life by continuing to use these drugs, and I eventually quit using that. In time, I switched back to weed, which I had used on and off over the years, and I continued to struggle with regular usage on that same roller coaster that I had been dealing with for a long time. Each one of these phases is another story, with many things learned along the way, and if I typed it all out I'd probably have a novel. Perhaps for another time. 😁

This experience is still as real to me as it was when it happened. If you aren't aware, Gabriel is the name of God's messenger angel (Luke 1:19). When I recall this story, or when I read in the bible about Gabriel, it gives me goosebumps to think of how God has met me in my requests of him throughout the years. In the case of my son Edwin's name, it wasn't until I stepped out in faith and did what I knew He was asking of me first. What is truly amazing to me, is that as time has gone on since I made my decision to give up alcohol, I have received so many confirmations that it was the right decision for my family, and in my heart, I know that if I hadn't listened, my family life would have probably gone in a very different direction than I wanted. God's plans are always the best plans, even when we don't fully understand why he may be asking us to do something, or if things are not happening the way we thought they would. We can trust in him even during those times when we are uncertain, because we know what kind of God he is by what he has revealed in scripture, and also through experience, if we are properly rooted in community with other believers, and by reflecting on things he has already done in our own lives. What I have often found to be true is that sometimes a situation may require a lot of faith on my part when I feel God's leading a certain way, but years later when I look back, I have an extremely high level of confidence at that point due to other things that happened along the way, that God's way was better, and my way would have been a disaster.

God is real. He is a personal God who cares very much about us. He cares about you. He loves you, and he cares about your life. You matter to him, in the big things, and in the small things. Whether you're facing a big decision like a drinking or drug problem, or whether it's because you can't figure out what to name your child, God cares, and you can take all of those things to him and ask him to help you find the right path or decision. Sometimes his answers come from reading the bible. Sometimes his answers come from a friend or a family member. Sometimes you hear a word of wisdom on a podcast you're listening to, or from the preacher's sermon that Sunday. Sometimes, you may hear him in your spirit. God interacts with us all in different ways, and I can't speak to why he does things the way he does, but I do know he's real, and he answers our prayers when we believe in him and talk to him sincerely. He's done it for me, and he'll do it for you too.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus," -Philippians 4:6-7 NIV.

In Memory of Charlie Kirk

 

Today, we lost a truly remarkable and inspirational man, Charlie Kirk. To say that I am deeply saddened by his tragic murder is an understatement. Charlie was a devout Christian, who was unapologetic about his faith in Jesus Christ, and about his love for his country, the United States of America. Today, Charlie was taken from this life at the hands of a murderer, shot from a distance by a complete coward. Today, Charlie's family of a wife and two kids, lost their husband and father, because of the actions of this sick and disgusting individual. My prayers are with his family during this devastating time, and with the community that he built and inspired on a daily basis. I also hope and pray that the individual that did this is found and brought to swift justice, and that they repent of this wicked act and turn to Jesus, the only one who can save them.

As of this post, as far as I can see they still have not caught the perpetrator who did this unspeakable act of murder. We don't need to know the identity of this person to recognize this act for what it truly is at it's core: evil. Make no mistake, whether this is politically motivated or not, the true underlying cause of the battle we're witnessing is spiritually driven and not seen by human eyes, it is good versus evil. This battle has been raging on this planet since almost the very beginning, back when sin first entered into the world, when mankind decided to rebel against God and go their own way, instead of walking with Him and following His plan for creation.

Charlie was very outspoken about his Christian faith, and I believe it's the main reason he had a target on his back. The bible tells us that this is how it is in fact, if we listen to the words of Jesus himself:

"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the one who sent me," -John 15:18-21.

Jesus eluded to the hardships that went along with a life lived in service to him many times, yet it can be easy to forget that if we are not regularly in His word spending time with Him. It is not easy to carry the cross that Christ himself carried, yet we are called to that sort of life indeed, as he describes again in the gospel of Matthew:

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?'" -Matthew 16:24-26.

We don't follow Jesus because it's easy or glamorous, we follow Him because he is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). God is real, Jesus Christ is the son of God, who was fully God and fully man, was born of a virgin, died on a Roman cross, and rose from the dead three days later, proving He was who He said he was. This life is not all that there is, we all have an eternal soul that will go on to either live with God for all eternity, or to live in eternal separation away from God, depending on what we decide by the choices we make in this life. Charlie Kirk knew the gospel was true, and he lived his life in a way that was inspirational to believers across the world. Today, he got to go home to be with his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

A temptation we can face as we struggle with the injustice of Charlie's death, is to allow ourselves to get caught up in hate, and to be guilty of the very thing that this person who killed Charlie was clearly guilty of: not seeing the worth of every human being because they are created in the image of God. Despite the difficulty, we are still called to share the gospel and love all people that are within our reach. Political and religious (among others) divisions cause people to dehumanize each other and lose sight of the fact that we are all human beings who are in need of a savior. We need to root ourselves in the message of the gospel, that Jesus gave His life to demonstrate to the world, and share the love of Christ with them, whether they deserve it or not in our opinion.

I can think of no better example of what this looks like than the parable of the good Samaritan, as shared by Jesus himself in the gospel of Luke. In this story an expert of religious law was asking Jesus how to inherit eternal life, to which Jesus asked him in return what the law said about his question, and the man essentially said in return: "Love God, and love your neighbor as yourself." After Jesus tells him he is correct, the man asks Jesus in return, "Who is my neighbor?" Jesus tells him the following story to illustrate the type of life that reflects love for God and love for neighbor:

"In reply Jesus said: 'A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him,'" -Luke 10:30-34 NIV.

The story goes on with a little more detail and with Jesus asking the expert of the law which man in the story was a neighbor to the man who was robbed, and the expert correctly answers that it was the Samaritan man, the one who showed mercy. It's easy to read this and miss a cultural point that makes all the difference, that Jews and Samaritans hated each other, they were mortal enemies due to longstanding religious and political conflict. Don't you see the parallels to our own time? Jesus is saying that despite the differences we all have if we don't have the same beliefs and worldview, we are still called to love each other. And here is what love should look like:

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends," -John 15:12-13.

Tensions continue to increase in our culture as political divisions increase and the potential for hate increases all the more. Hate is the work of Satan, as he hates everything that represents God, and he will stop at nothing to try to destroy those that follow Jesus. If you are following Christ and you have an easy life, maybe you should examine yourself and see if you are living too comfortably and not being public about your faith. If you are facing persecution, then you should consider that you might be increasing in your effectiveness for Christ's kingdom, which means you are a threat to the enemy. We don't have to fear death in this life, because this life is not all that there is, that is why Jesus told us so much about this subject. This is meant to give us hope for what is to come, so we will not be held back in our sharing of the gospel with the world. Now is not the time to retreat and back down from sharing the truth, now is the time to double-down and share your faith all the more. The world is hurting, because the world needs Jesus, and we are called to point to Him with our lives.

Thank you Charlie Kirk for how you lived your faith out loud, you were truly an inspiration, and although you are gone from us for now, we know we will see you again someday. May we continue to draw inspiration from the life you lived and be as bold as you were in sharing the good news of Jesus Christ with the world.

Jesus: Our Life Preserver

While enjoying the beautiful scenery of Glacier National Park in Montana, I was struck by the relevance of a warning sign at this remote, but serene mountain lake. While relaxing and enjoying the peaceful scenery, I could not imagine a scenario where a storm appears suddenly and unexpectedly here, yet the warning is there for a reason. Despite the fact that the lake itself appeared as smooth as glass, and besides the sounds of people nearby, you couldn't hear anything but the sounds of nature out here. A sudden storm, really?! Yes, I have been told that these little mountain protected lakes can be the perfect spot for weather conditions to change fast, churning up the water and generating large waves that could threaten to overturn a floating vessel as it rolls in.

So what are we to do, how do we enjoy the beauty of the mountains and lakes in spite of the looming threat of a storm that could pop up at any given moment? We go back to the warning sign and take the second bit of advice, which is critical to our survival not if, but when, the storms hit: "Life preservers required." A life preserver reveals a degree of planning ahead of time, and a realistic view of the potential risks ahead. The presence of a life preserver means that we knew the possible danger that could be ahead, and we took steps to make sure that we had a plan for when that storm came to us when we least expected it.

It's hard as a Christian not to see the parallels between this real life scenario and our spiritual walk as we go through life. As I ponder the relevance of this warning sign as it pertains to this beautiful spot in nature, I'm reminded of a very similar situation that occurred with Jesus and his disciples as they crossed a lake in a boat, when suddenly a storm blew in  from out of nowhere. To me one of the most striking details of this account is how Jesus fell asleep on the journey, and was still dozing even as the storm raged enough for his disciples to wake him up out of concern for their lives. Here is the account of this event from the gospel of Luke:

"One day Jesus said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side of the lake.” So they got into a boat and set out. As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!” He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples. In fear and amazement they asked one another, “Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him,” -Luke 8:22-25 NIV.

I believe that Jesus handled this situation this way specifically because of how relatable it is to everyday life, for every person. It is a real life example of what life often looks like for us, even in how we often respond to God during the trials we all go through. Jesus may have been asleep when the storm was raging, but he was still present on the journey, and he clearly wasn't surprised when he was awakened. His disciples revealed their lack of faith in their response to him, showing how out of balance their fear and anxiety was compared to their belief in God to care for them. I think the NIV translation of this in Mark says it best, "The disciples woke him and said to him, 'Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?'" Ouch! I have to wonder though how often all of us have responded in a similar way to Him, "Where are you God, don't you even care about me?"

Jesus responds to this accusation not by apologizing for being asleep on the job, but by calling out his followers for not relying on their faith in him. In Matthew's gospel Jesus replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” -Matthew 8:26 NIV. After he rebuked his disciples for not trusting in him, he then proves he is the son of God by performing a miracle and calming the storm, solidifying the faith of his followers even more. They are amazed that he is able to command even the forces of nature, and their confidence in his identity increases even more.

So as I put this all together, I wonder as followers of Christ, are we seeing the warnings of the Bible and keeping a realistic view of the sudden storms that will come our way, and are we taking the necessary precautions to plan for those turbulent times? Or are we too distracted, enjoying the scenery of life and not taking any notice of the signs at all? Jesus himself said to his followers, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world,” -John 16:33 NIV. How do we prepare our "life preservers" in a way that will actually keep us afloat when the stability of our life gets washed out? Once again, Jesus gave us the answer to this:

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash,” -Matthew 7:24-27 NIV.

Jesus himself is our life preserver, literally. A life preserver does not do any good for the occupants of a boat if it's just hanging in the cabin, it has to actually be put on before the storm arrives and sinks the boat. The same is true about Jesus. How does your faith look in practice? Do you actually trust Him to guide your steps and lead you through the rough spots of life, or are you always trying to save yourself? When life is difficult, do you ask Him to show you the holes in your faith so you can work with him to grow, heal, and patch things up to better prepare for the next storm, or so you just try to swim harder and longer? Where is your faith really at as you go through the storm, are you screaming at God because you can't believe he would allow this to happen, or do you still sense his presence even as the waves crash all around you, knowing he would never leave or abandon you? Does the storm draw you closer to God, or does it shipwreck your faith, because you didn't read the warnings and realize that life would still be filled with trials?

So do you have your life preserver prepared and ready, or so you need get it out of storage and dust it off? The thing about a life preserver is that it should do exactly what it's named for, saving life. The boat may still sink, and everything else may go down with the ship, but the precious life of of those who trust in the one who saves, they will be saved in the end. Yeah, in the gospels when Jesus calms the storm, it seems to me that all was saved on that occasion, but Jesus was proving that he was exactly who he said he was. The clear point he was teaching his followers was that if they knew him, they should know he was with them, and that they should trust him. The same is true for us today.

"If you declare with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved," -Romans 10:9 NIV.

Jesus saves those who confess faith in him. My faith is not in my own ability to navigate the storms of life, but in Jesus, my life preserver. In this life, sudden storms may appear, do you have your life preserver? I know I've got mine.

Cleaning the skeletons out of the closet

Do you have things in your past that you are ashamed of and that you try to keep hidden? This could include a number of different types of things, including things we've done or things that were done to us, or even things about how we grew up that are contrary to the type of identity we're trying to create for ourselves now. We may carry a sense of shame around with us like a weight around our neck because we know, even if no one else does, that there is a reason we don't open the door to that part of our mind. Sometimes we can feel anxiety over how a conversation steers in a certain direction because we feel a line of questioning begging to ask us about something that would reveal the shuttered door that we don't talk about. It's an incredible burden to carry when you are always worrying about people finding out about these things that are in the past. We don't want people to know about our past failures and struggles, or about the dark secrets that we would prefer to keep buried deep inside.

It is my belief that the reason we often prefer to keep these secrets and shameful things hidden away is not necessarily just because they are bad things that happened to us, but rather because they are associated with lie-based thinking that we have come to believe about ourselves at the deepest level, in our identity. The brain is an incredible association engine, as God has designed it in a way to learn from our past in order to better help us to survive in this world. What we have learned in the past, will help us when we encounter something again in the future. The problem is not with how God designed our brains, but with the effect that sin has on everything else, which in turn affects this memory association process.

When we are young and vulnerable, we are taking in all kinds of information from our surroundings and drawings conclusions and forming beliefs about who we are as people. When we are victims of sinful behavior, whether it be things that were intentionally done to us, or if we were simply bystanders hit with shrapnel from someone else's toxic behavior, it can result in us coming to some false conclusions about ourselves, and our brain remembers it all. In many cases as well, we don't even have to be victims of something that is so obviously awful either, we can arrive at a false belief about ourselves from a passing comment that someone made about us, or something we did, and it sticks with us after that. You don't have to have a traumatic childhood to have lie-based thinking that connects to your childhood and ultimately your beliefs about who you are; it can affect everyone.

As adults we often find ourselves in negative behavior patterns, reacting to current situations that feel a lot like those events that happened to us a long time ago. That's because although life has moved on and we've grown older, our brain stored away the lies that we internalized about ourselves, and those lies surface again when a familiar trigger shows up. Something I learned at CrossCounsel International Ministries about this principle, is that "It's not what happened to us that affects us, it's what we believed in that moment that affects us," and that "Your emotions reflect what you believe at a heart level." We often continue in these cycles, reacting in the present to the things that happened to us long ago, until we are able to make the connection from the present to the past, and seek freedom and healing from the Lord in those areas.

"[Transformational Prayer] Principle One:

Our present situation is rarely the true cause of our ongoing emotional pain.

More often than not, the emotional pain we feel in the present tense has been triggered by lie-based thinking, which is rooted in memory. Lie-based thinking is the false belief one holds in memory learned during a specific life event. For example, a man raised by an alcoholic parent might believe the lie that he was somehow the cause for the chaos in his home and responsible to resolve it. This might in turn play out by his being stressed, anxious and overreactive to life situations in which there was perceived lack of order. If we blame the present situation for the emotional pain coming from the earlier memory event, we will be trapped in an irresolvable cycle of emotional pain and defeat. To believe that other people or circumstances are the cause of our emotional upheaval is to empower them to control us emotionally until they change. When we find freedom from the lie-based thinking, we will no longer be triggered by it and can walk in peace, content in whatever circumstance we find ourselves (Phil. 4:11). This is a common scenario in marital conflict. Each partner in the relationship assumes that the pain he or she feels is being caused by the other. When in reality, each one is merely triggering the other's lie-based pain. It is difficult to admit that one's mate is not the source of the pain and that he or she is only exposing what was already there. It is easier to make someone else the cause than it is to choose to hold myself responsible for the emotional pain in my life. This is not to say that what the other person may have done was inappropriate or justified, for it may not be. However, our emotional response often goes much deeper than the current moment. If what I am feeling is rooted in my own lie-based thinking and I blame another, then I am doomed to suffer in this pain until the other person changes."

--Dr. Ed Smith, Healing Life's Hurts

Emotions were created by God for a reason, good and bad emotions serve a purpose. God, in His wisdom, has also given us survival skills to continue living as long as we can in this world, and one of those skills is the ability to sense pain and to avoid it. This principle makes sense especially in the physical realm, when I feel pain, I move that part of my body so it is no longer feeling that before I get hurt even worse. This same principle tends to play out in the emotional realm as well, when we feel something negative in our mind, we automatically try to avoid those feelings in the same way we would if it were physically happening to us. This is problematic with emotions though, because unlike pain in the physical realm, you cannot ultimately escape from the source of the pain when it's emotionally based. This is usually the basis for most addiction cycles: I feel negative emotions, I use substances or other physically stimulating activities to numb out, the brief high triggered by the substance or activity wears off eventually, and I again feel the negative emotion that was never properly dealt with, repeat all over again until madness ensues. We often focus on the wrong thing when dealing with negative emotions, we focus on the negative feeling and think of it as the problem, rather than seeing that it is just smoke from the fire, only a symptom, rather than the cause of the pain we feel. Until we follow the smoke back to the source fire that is burning in the recess of our mind and find the lie-based belief that is keeping the fire going, it will continue to show up and affect our current reality.

The good news is that we can find freedom from this cycle of insanity that keeps showing up in our lives. A lie-based belief that is associated with our identify will not hold any power over us once we receive truth in that area. Because we are created in the image of our creator God, He is the ultimate source of truth-based experience that has the ability to heal and free us from this bondage we may have been carrying for years. If we are willing to stop running from the pain and allow ourselves to feel it and follow it to the source, we can cooperate with God as He helps us to identify the lies we have believed, and submit them to Him as we ask for His truth to be revealed about who we truly are. Identity based lies are almost always learned through experience, so you typically can't remove them simply with logic, you have to replace them with truth learned through another experience. This is why very often as Christians we can start to get to the source of negative behaviors we struggle with and admit them, but after reading in the bible and learning truth about who we truly are, we may actually feel more shame than before because we logically know that the bible is true and we believe it, yet if we are willing to be honest we see that nothing has changed in our hearts, and we continue to struggle with the same thing. This is because although truth received in our left brain is still true in nature, it doesn't cross over to the right brain in the same way that experience does. This results in what the bible refers to as "double-mindedness," which is essentially a conflict of beliefs.

I struggled in my life for many years with substance abuse, and I experienced the madness of this cycle over and over again. I truly believed in my heart what the bible said about who I was and what I was created for, yet I couldn't escape knowing I had those skeletons in my closet. The shame I carried about those things I hated to talk about held me hostage for years, so it took me a long time before I recognized the pattern of avoidance I continually engaged in as I tried to escape opening the door on that closet in my mind. I would find success in one area, only to find new struggles in a different area. I struggled for years with various drugs and alcohol, using pain pills when they were available, to smoking weed, to drinking alcohol, then to an Adderall addiction, then back to weed for quite a few years, before I finally saw the cycle for what it was: a potentially never ending behavior pattern that was being driven by something inside of me that I hadn't put my finger on yet. When a very difficult life event happened to my family, the weakness of my numbing techniques was finally revealed to me in greater clarity and I knew that I had to get to the true source of my struggles, or I was doomed to continue in this process and potentially pass bad habits on to my children. After working with CrossCounsel I began to learn about all of these things I've just shared, and I personally experienced freedom from some core lies I had been carrying all of my life, and experienced healing in some of those areas. Since a core lie of believing I was "unsafe" was exposed in my heart and was replaced when the Lord revealed to me that He was safe, I no longer had the desire to continue smoking weed, which was the last substance I could not break free from at the time. Although in my mind I knew that the Lord was safe (which is ultimately an issue of trust), my heart had never fully believed it because of the life experiences that told me most people could not be trusted. His truth set me free from that lie once I experienced it in my heart.

The Lord loves it when we come to Him seeking truth, because His truth always draws us closer to Him as it frees us from the bondage of lies and sin. Where sin and lies are removed, He is free to work in those areas where "skeletons" once lived, the evidence of our past that we tried so hard to ignore and cover up. The Lord also doesn't waste anything, He doesn't simply want to set us free from those lies, He wants to use them for His good purposes. Ezekiel 37 has a beautiful picture of what this looks like, as we see a vision described to us that the prophet Ezekiel received from God at the time. I have personally experienced this in the areas I have received truth in, as I saw not just personal freedom, but a desire to share and talk about the once painful things of my past, things I swore I would never share with anyone. I know that I still have other lies in my belief system that still need to be exposed and worked out, but now I look at conflict and negative emotions as the first step in the process that can bring them to light. I will continue to look for opportunities to work with the Lord to receive His truth so I can replace those lies and break free from the negative behavior that results from carrying them.

I believe that every one of us has a closet in our mind that we don't want to let others into. The contents of that closet may vary from person to person, some may have more skeletons than others, but I think we all have something in there. Once we recognize where the door to that closet is, we can continue to go back and clean more of the bones of our past out as we are ready and willing. The question for you is, do you trust the Lord enough to open the door of your heart and let Him in?

"This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord," -Ezekiel 37:5-6 NIV.

Reflections on 24 years of marriage

Have you ever wondered if you have found your soulmate? Have you ever wondered what people mean when they say, "soulmate?" According to American Heritage Dictionary online, a soulmate is either:

 1) One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.

 2) Someone with whom one has a special, almost spiritual connection.

I remember when I was much younger, I bought into what I think most people think about the idea of a soulmate, which is more like the second definition I just shared. In this concept of a "soulmate," there is essentially one person in the world that was made for you, and when you find that person, life will be just great together. On the surface, this idea of only one person out there in the world for you sounds so romantic, but in practice I think that it ends up turning into a license for people to leave their spouse or partner once they are no longer feeling the sparks they felt at the beginning of the relationship, so I no longer buy into this disastrous way of thinking.

In a sense, I still believe in the idea of a "soulmate," but I believe in what the bible has to say about it. In the book of Genesis, we read that God is the creator of marriage, as he instituted it from the very beginning between a man and a woman: "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh," -Genesis 2:24 NIV. When a man and woman join together in marriage, they become "one flesh," or one person, in a sense. Obviously we are still individuals in our personal sense, but in terms of how we are to operate together, we are one. In this way, I now believe in the idea of a soulmate to reflect the biblical idea of marriage, held together with the biblical definition of love, while honoring the commitment made to God and the spouse.

Today, as I celebrate my 24th wedding anniversary with my beautiful wife Stephanie, I have included a few pictures in my post back from when we were just dating, and as I look at them I have a lot of things go through my mind. For one, I remember how much fun we used to have when we just started hanging out as friends. Eventually, we started dating, and we still had fun together no matter what we did. As I look back through the years, I can see that one of the things I have valued so much with my amazing wife, is our underlying friendship. No matter what we have gone through, I have always viewed her as my best friend, in addition to being my wife. We can have fun together no matter what we are doing, and I think that keeps life lighthearted, so we don't get so serious that we forget how to have a good time together. I love having fun with my wife, she is that absolute best person to hang out with, and I have always loved that about her.

Another thing I think about as I look at these old pictures, is how absolutely selfish I was back then. As I think about the fact that I was 19 or 20 years old at the time, I just lacked a lot of life experience that I have gained since then. In a way, I think that is totally normal for anyone at that age, and it shows up in a relationship, where you are just totally infatuated with the person you are "in love with," and you almost have no regard for anyone else in your life. Besides young age, I think elements of this are true in any relationship at the very beginning, and is what some refer to as "the honeymoon phase." This is the part of the relationship where everything is new and exciting, and you can almost forget that the other person is a human being just like you, who in time you will come to realize also has faults and can push your buttons in ways you didn't realize in the first year or so you were together. In a way, this phase of the relationship is itself selfish, as we feel elated to be the object of someone else's affection, and it gives our ego a boost and we feel good about ourselves. At this point in the relationship, both are feeling that way about each other, so for a time, they both really think they have found their soulmate based on those feelings alone, and from here on out, everything should feel this way, and they were made to be together. Right? Wrong.

The reality is that the honeymoon phase never lasts for anyone. If you don't realize that going into a relationship, and you basically believe that in this whole world of billions of people, there is only one person that is made for you, how do you feel when the sparks stop flying between the two of you? Sadly, many will decide that they must have been wrong and that things just weren't meant to be, and they will go on to stage two of what could be a lifelong quest of trying to find that one person that makes them feel those sparks again, with no regard for the other people that are caught in the middle. This is why I think the modern idea of a "soulmate" is an absolute disaster, and I don't believe it's true at all. I now believe that my soulmate is the one that I have chosen to pair my life with, as declared to them in an oath and promise to God. Biblical love is what holds a marriage together, not lovey-dovey feelings that will come and go with the challenges of life.

After 24 years of marriage and reflection, I now think that the most romantic idea of a marriage is one that reflects it the way God designed it, and is held together by the type of love that Christ has for his people. It is the kind of love that wakes up every day and says, regardless of how I feel right now, I choose to love this person not because they make me feel better about myself, but because I am putting them before myself, as Jesus has done for us, and because I made a promise and a lifelong commitment to that person, and that means something. When we put God at the center of our marriage first, and if each of us is pursuing Christ individually, we are no longer trying to use that person to fill the void in ourselves that only God can fill. The reality is that no person is able to fill that void, and it will always have disastrous results in the end. If my focus is on Christ before my wife, it enables me to handle conflict differently as well when it inevitably comes up. Instead of looking at conflict as something my spouse caused, I can choose to look at myself and try to see which parts of my own brokenness contributed to the situation, and asking God what I can learn from it so I can grow to be more like Christ.

I think one of the greatest challenges of our day that contributes to marital difficulty, is that we have lost the idea of what love actually is. With the culture putting out wishy-washy definitions of love that are devoid of any real substance, we have to look elsewhere to know what true love is supposed to look like. I mean, if we don't understand what love actually is, then how can we honestly expect to find love in a marriage with our spouse? The longer I have been married to my amazing wife, and the more I have matured in my faith with God, the more I have understood that when the biblical principles of love are applied to a marriage, it just works better. The bible has so much to say about love, but I'll just share a couple key teachings that I think everything else hinges on.

Jesus shared a powerful picture of what biblical love looks like by living it out himself, and he shared what it looks like when he said: "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends," -John 15:12-13 NIV. On the same note, Jesus also said to, "Love your neighbor as yourself," -Matthew 22:39 NIV. Now, you may say that Jesus didn't say those things about a spouse though. I would say that the teaching is a universal principle, applied to all relationships. In line with much else that Jesus taught, the ironic thing about following Christ is that the more you put your own selfish ambitions aside and put others before yourself, the more you will find true happiness and satisfaction that results from living as Christ did. It should not be surprising that these principles will also produce fruit inside of a marriage between a husband and wife. The more I put my wife's needs before my own, the more she will feel loved by me and in turn will probably want to do that same for me in return. This is what a God-centered marriage should look like. I did not say that it's easy, but it is what we are called to do if we are to love as Christ loves us.

By no means am I saying that I have this all figured out. God knows, and my wife sure knows, that I have plenty of faults and other things that still show up in my daily life. We don't have a marriage that is free from conflict by any means, but when conflict does show up, we know we will work through it together and we will come out on the other side stronger, because we choose to love each other in spite of our shortcomings. I am so thankful and honored to have enjoyed 24 years together with my best friend Stephanie, because I can't imagine going through life with anyone else by my side. I am so thankful to have a wife who chooses to put God first in our marriage, before me, knowing that I can never fill every need that she has, and she doesn't expect me to. I am so thankful to have a wife who for some reason still chooses to love me everyday after she wakes up and sees me with all of my faults. Stephanie my dear, you mean the absolute world to me, I thank God all of the time for you. I am eternally grateful for your friendship and your love for me and our family. You are a wonderful woman who I love so much, and I am hoping and praying for 24 more years to go, and then some! I love you forever, happy anniversary babe. 😘

Cast no stones

There is a very popular saying that goes, "people who live in glass houses should not throw stones." The principle appears to be essentially the same as a story from John 8:7, which I also talked about in my previous post from last week. Although I talked about this last week, I think it is such an important principle to live by, so I thought I'd look at it a little more and apply it to modern times in a current scenario.

First, let's go back to John 8:7. In this story, the religious leaders of Jesus' time, the Pharisees, had brought a woman who was just caught in adultery to Jesus and were asking him what they should do with her. Now, in this story we can see that the Pharisees were actually trying to bait Jesus into a situation where they could get him to say something contrary to the law, so they would have a basis for accusing him and discrediting him. They knew Jesus was all about love and healing people, so they probably figured it was likely that he would recommend something that didn't align with what the law of Moses instructed to do with an adulterer, which was to stone the offender to death. Jesus, being the Son of God and all, knows exactly what they are up to and he knows the thoughts and sins of the hearts of those standing before him. He therefore pulls a classic Jesus move and he refuses to be baited into their trap, and instead flips the situation around on those who are bringing the accusation by saying the quote that is so well known, and I would argue is the basis of the "glass houses" quote that is used outside of the bible:

'When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” ' -John 8:7 NIV

Did you notice that in his interaction with the Pharisees he doesn't even address the woman who committed adultery? His sole focus is on the Pharisees and rebuking them for their hypocrisy. These guys weren't at all interested in entering into the woman's world and trying to understand what was going on in her life that led her to make such a bad decision. They weren't interested in helping her to turn her life around and make better decisions moving forward. They were simply using her as a pawn for their own gain and their own agenda.

I think that it's always easy to read things in the bible, or anything in history for that matter, and fail to see the parallels in our modern times simply because the scenery and the circumstances look different. One thing I have learned from studying the bible is that the human heart has really never changed over time. The times may changes, the culture may change and look different, the way accusations are made may change and vary, but at the end of the day, we repeat the same behaviors over and over, throughout history. We see this observation made by the author in the book of Ecclesiastes:

'What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one can say, “Look! This is something new”? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time. No one remembers the former generations, and even those yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow them.' -Ecclesiastes 1:9-11 NIV

You see, the core issue in the human heart is sin. In the example with the Pharisees in John 8:7, the motives of their heart were sinful. It seems that the primary reason they are willing to use her as a pawn is really to get at Jesus, but I think another reason is to elevate themselves. This was a classic move they were well known for, and called out by Jesus many times for it. The focus of the Pharisees was almost always to focus on the outward appearance of a person and their lives, and to neglect the internal issues of the heart. It's easy to focus on what a person has done and to neglect what's going on under the surface in their heart, recognizing that we are all capable of sinning in the same ways as every other human being. This is why he elaborated on this so much in his teaching, for example, in Matthew 5 he teaches that engaging in lustful thoughts is actually the same as committing adultery, because in that case you've already done the deed in your heart:

'“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.' -Matthew 5:27-28 NIV

In other words, what we allow to go on in our hearts and minds actually reflects the type of person we truly are. As human beings we tend to do what the Pharisees often did and just focus on what's on the outside of our lives, and to neglect what's going on inside of our hearts. When we see someone else do something shameful, how often are we quick to point it out on social media and to say, "Look at that person, shame on them, I would never do something like that!" My personal thought on social media in this regard is that it is a social contagion because it enables people to so quickly and easily condemn others with no regard for what might be going on in their lives, or to consider the consequences on the person or those close to them, after being publicly shamed and humiliated. There's a reward for doing this on social media too because we often choose to live in an echo chamber, surrounded by people that think just like we do. We can hang someone out to dry with absolutely no consequence to ourselves because we have no connection to that person, we can shame them publicly and then close out our phone or computer and go about our day. Meanwhile, we are getting likes from all of our friends who also think it's great to tear someone down, so it reinforces itself. When we look at the world through a lens of externally focused, works-based thinking, and fail to look at the heart of people, this is where we can end up. Jesus told another story in Luke that is reminiscent of this modern day example that I just shared:

'To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” ' -Luke 18:9-14 NIV

Everyone has a story, everyone has most likely gone through good times and hard times. If you haven't gone through hard times yet, just wait. We all bring our own baggage and psychology along with us, and that greatly influences the decisions we make as a way to cope with the ups and downs of life. It's easy to look down our nose at others who have done something that "we would never do." One thing the bible is clear about is that every person has sin in their heart: "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," (Romans 3:23 NIV). Are we able to see that even if we haven't done a particular sin that we are hanging someone else for, we've probably done other things that are equally bad, if not worse? If we fail to see the potential in ourselves to sin equally, we are full of pride, and we only fool ourselves.

To throw stones from a glass house is to fail to recognize the fragility of our own lives, and the fact that every single one of us is capable of sin and wrongdoing in some capacity. Is it possible that you're one day away from your entire house of cards collapsing in on itself and destabilizing the life you once knew? Once the comfort of routine fades away, are you going to be in a position to sit here and judge everyone around you still, or might you fall into negative coping habits to get by? Do you have skeletons in your closet that you make sure to keep locked away, far away from the public square? What if someone found out about the secret addiction or habit that you have and put it all over Facebook, destroying your reputation overnight? To have a realistic view of the sin in our own heart and to allow it to shape how we treat other people is to live out the "golden rule," which Jesus also taught about:

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." -Luke 6:31 NIV

If we act in humility and recognize the potential for sin in our own lives, we are far less likely to judge other people in an attempt to elevate ourselves. If we look at the plank in our own eye before pointing out the speck of dust in someone else's eye (Matthew 7:1-5) and to consider how we would prefer to be treated, perhaps we may be moved to compassion and empathy that allows us to consider what might be going on in someone's life that caused them to get to the point they are currently at. In the story in John 8:7, I wonder what this may have looked like in that context. What was going on in the woman's life that led her to adultery? Did she possibly have an abusive husband, or even just one that was consumed with his job or religious duties while he neglected the marriage relationship with his wife, leaving her lonely and vulnerable? We simply don't know. And even if the worst possible scenario would be true, it would never justify whatever sin was committed, but it can provide a way to look into the life of that person and what led them to that point, which then paves the way for compassion and empathy.

Perhaps instead of being so quick to throw rocks at others, we can instead recognize the glass bubble from in which we are standing. Perhaps as we pick up the rock that we intend to throw at someone in condemnation for something they've done, we can instead choose to look at ourselves and reflect on Jesus' words from John 8:7: “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” In living this way, we truly "love our neighbor as ourself" (Matthew 22:39).

From now on, sin no more

I recently watched a clip from a Charlie Kirk interaction with a college student after she asked him to clarify what Jesus stood for, especially on the subject of love. I found this brief interaction so well articulated on Charlie's part, that it got me thinking about this subject a lot and I felt compelled to share my thoughts here.

The question asked, "what did Jesus stand for," can be pretty easily answered just by reading one of the four gospel accounts in the bible. I think Charlie hits the nail on the head here with his quick summary of what Jesus stood for though, by pointing to John 8, which shows Jesus' mercy and love, but uncompromising commitment to truth. Charlie then goes on to point out that in our modern age especially, we are really good at pointing out the first part of this story while we neglect how it ends. In the first part of the story, a woman is accused of adultery by the religious leaders and they take the case to Jesus in an attempt to trap him by trying to get him to say something contradictory to the law. In response, Jesus calls out their hypocrisy:

'When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” ' -John 8:7 NIV

In God's word (The Bible), God has given us the law in the old testament, which shows us as his people, how we are to live in this world. The law reveals God's design and intended purpose for humanity, but the risk we run in applying it to our lives is that we can be overly legalistic and focus on just "keeping the rules," so that we fail to miss the point of the law, and what it points us to. This is why it's so important as followers of Jesus to understand the deeper purpose behind God's design for humanity, which is to draw us into an intimate relationship with himself, while He is perfectly holy, and we are not. When we only focus on the law and we lose sight of God's mercy and love, we can end up in legalism, seeking to be saved by our works alone. The reality is that the old testament law simply put words to the law to show what it looks like when lived out in our world. Summed up though, the law is about God's love, which Jesus articulated beautifully when he was asked to clarify which law was the most important one in Jewish law, which we see in the following exchange:

'"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."' -Matthew 22:36-40 NIV

To understand the purpose of God's law and design for humanity, you have to understand his infinite love for us all that is underneath it, and how everything is created and ordered to point us back to Him. If you only focus on "following the rules" and don't have love, you end up going way off the rails and aren't even following Jesus at that point, you're following a god of your own creation. The Pharisees were the masters of legalism in Jesus' day and the absolute experts on God's law, they knew every part of it, inside and out. Yet Jesus called them out again and again about their hypocrisy, calling them "whitewashed tombs," because their outside portrayal of following all of the letters of the law didn't match the sin that was still in their heart (Matthew 23:28).

This was not just a problem for the religious people of Jesus' day, it's an equal risk for us as well, as we can be tempted to justify and elevate ourselves by comparing our outwardly appearances to that of other people. Those in the church can easily focus on the acts of sin as they appear on the outside, while failing to look inward and see what's going on in our own hearts. This is an effect of pride. The prideful person is quick to point out the sin of others, while arrogantly failing to look inside of himself. Jesus had much to say on this, for example:

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" -Matthew 7:3 NIV

When we look at Jesus, we see his unlimited grace and mercy in his interactions with people, and that he is always pointing them back to himself as God as he grounds them in truth. If you have mercy and grace with no truth, you have a very dangerous combination there. This is a prevalent problem in our current time, as we increasingly seem to have a hard time accepting the fact that we live in a world that is filled with truth. Our world has countless truths that keeps it working, scientific truths that keep our planet spinning, keep us breathing, and keep us from floating away into space. People don't seem to have too much of a problem with scientific truths, as long as they don't point to God (although I think they do). What is it then that makes us so offended when we hear that God has created this world with specific purpose and order, and that there is a right and wrong way that we can choose to live?

When we choose to live in opposition to how God has intended us to, it is sin for us, and it always separates us from God. As it turns out, it seems that in general, people don't like to be told that they are sinful, or that something they are doing is wrong. This is not actually anything new, it has been happening from the beginning of time. One thing we see many times in the old testament is that when God would send his prophets to call his people back to him, there were always competing voices, false prophets, that would generally present a distorted view of God that focused on his love and forgiveness and removed the fact that God was trying to call them to repent and turn from their sinful living:

'Because they lead my people astray, saying, “Peace,” when there is no peace, and because, when a flimsy wall is built, they cover it with whitewash,' -Ezekiel 13:10 NIV.

In general, it seems that we don't want to be confronted with the truth that there is a way that God has told us how to live, that there is right and wrong in this world, and that the sin that results from our willingness to engage in wrong behavior will keep us from being with him, by our own choice. We want to be affirmed in our choices, and we don't want anyone to tell us that we're doing wrong, and we naturally look for the voices of the world that tell us we're just fine the way we are, and that we don't need to change anything about ourselves. Again, this is not surprising, as we see it again and again in the bible, as another example:

"For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths," -2 Timothy 4:3-4 NIV.

When we look at Jesus and how he called people to himself, after some sort of personal encounter, he always gives an invitation to follow him and turn from their former ways, and to sin no more. There is always a cost to follow Jesus, he never affirms anyone in their sin and tells them they are fine just the way they are. To do so would not be loving at all, yet we see that all over in our current culture, and unfortunately it is spreading in the church as well. We see churches more and more that are willing to compromise on truth to be popular and to avoid criticism, for one reason or another. Jesus was not interested in coddling people and allowing them to live in sin, which would result in their eternal separation from God. No, he was interested in showing people who they really were to God, and that they were loved eternally, but that they had to leave their former way of living, or to "take up their cross," to follow him.

You simply cannot have the real Jesus without biblical truth. Jesus literally was the word of God incarnate:

"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth," -John 1:14.

Although Jesus was all about love and showed us how everyone is invited to be with God for all of eternity, he also confirmed that he did not come to get rid of the law, rather, he came to uphold it. He was exposing the hypocrisy of the legalism that was rampant in Israel at that time and pointed to the love of God that they were missing as they studied and enforced the law. God's law and order did not go away when Jesus came to Earth; a Jesus with all love and no truth, is not Jesus at all:

"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven." -Matthew 5:17-19 NIV

Jesus Christ was the only one in the history of the world who loved perfectly, as the Son of God he has eternally been in perfect relationship with the Father and the Holy Spirit. As we look at Jesus, we should be drawn in by his love and by seeing what it looks like to live a life grounded in that perfect love, fulfilling all of the requirements of the law perfectly, as he was without sin. To follow Jesus will always cost you something, this is biblically sound teaching, but what you gain in return far outweighs all that you stand to lose in this world. As we look at Jesus in scripture, although we should be drawn in by his love for us, we should also be compelled to turn from our former ways and pursue holy living, as he told the woman in this example: "...from now on sin no more."

'Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” ' -John 8:10-11 ESV