Today is a very special day for my family. Today we celebrate my son Edwin's birthday. Today it's been ten years since he was given to our family, and for that we are so thankful, as we are for all of our beautiful children. But, today is also a day I celebrate for another reason. You see, before Edwin was born, I was seeing the destructive side of alcohol in my life and I knew I wanted better for my family. My wife had challenged me to see if I could go without drinking for most of her pregnancy with Edwin, which was triggered by some incidents I was not proud of that caused me to take a look at how I was allowing alcohol to affect me.
I knew I had a problem, so I accepted the challenge and quit drinking for at least the short term. As Edwin's birthday came near though, I began to feel the weight on my heart of a decision needing to be made, was I giving up drinking for good, or just for a little while? That question led to other questions, if I drank again, could I honestly expect that I would be any different, or that within time I would find myself in the same situation again? I was very familiar with addiction cycles, and I did not want to find myself stuck in one, but I struggled to make my decision. I began to pray about it, and God placed a few people in my life at that time that were able to speak wisdom into my life where I needed it. Even then though, I had not made my decision yet. I was avoiding.
Now there is something else you must know, Edwin was our only child that Steph and I could not agree on a name for. We were going into this birth experience without a name for our son, no matter what was suggested we just could not see eye to eye in agreement, and I was completely distraught because of it. Eventually the day of the planned C-section came, and I found myself gowned up in a surgery prep room sitting in silence as I awaited the surgical team to bring me in by my wife's side. The fact that my son was about to be born without a name weighed heavily on me. I began to weep in sadness and frustration, and I began to pray, and to ask the Lord to help me by revealing the name my son should have. What I got in response was not what I expected. I immediately felt on my heart the fact that I needed to make a decision about drinking. I was immediately taken back to where I left off in the decision making process, except I knew I had all the information I needed to make the decision. God had already given me people to validate what I already knew in my heart, that I could not go back to drinking.
I had not made my decision yet because of fear. Fear of the unknown. What would my friends think? Drinking was a part of so many things and it was intimidating to think of losing that ritual. But I was more terrified to not do what I knew God wanted me to do, and what my family needed me to do. At that moment, I made the commitment to never drink alcohol again. I told God that I really needed a name for my son, but even if He didn't provide that, I would still hold up to my end of the bargain and I was done drinking forever. I kid you not, the moment I made that commitment, I received the name Gabriel in my head. I was honestly shocked and at first I did not know what to do with that. It wasn't until a couple days later when Stephanie was recovered enough from the surgery so I could share my experience with her that we figured out together that the name Gabriel was the puzzle piece we needed to finally name our newly born son. For the first time, we agreed on his name, and that was Edwin Gabriel.
This experience is still as real to me as it was when it happened. If you aren't aware, Gabriel is the name of God's messenger angel. When I recall this story, or when I read in the bible about Gabriel, it gives me goosebumps to think of how God met me in my request of Him. But it wasn't until I stepped out in faith and did what I knew He was asking of me first. Today I am thankful for my beautiful and compassionate son, Edwin Gabriel. Today, I am also thankful for being able to have a relationship with God, who hears our every word, and who comes into our world if we let Him.
"For we live by faith, not by sight," -2 Corinthians 5:7.
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