CrossCounsel Golf Outing Testimony

I was given an opportunity to share my personal testimony and experience with CrossCounsel International Ministries at their 13th annual Golf Golf Classic fundraiser event, and I was honored to be part of the experience. Below is the transcript of my testimony that I shared at the event:

Shane Buol - CrossCounsel Golf Event Testimony

Hi, my name is Shane and I’ve been coming to CrossCounsel since August of last year. I'd like to share with you a little of my own story, what brought me to CrossCounsel, and what this ministry has done for me.

I had a rough start to life, having young parents who both came from broken homes. I experienced a lot of dysfunction stemming from drug and alcohol abuse in my home, sexual abuse at the hands of a neighbor, and many other things. As a young man I started using various drugs to escape my reality. Thankfully, my parents eventually became Christians and did their best to clean up their lives. This helped to lead me to a place where I was able to accept Jesus as my savior too, although the core issues of my past had at this point still gone unaddressed. During my senior year of high school I was listening to some dark heavy metal music that triggered negative childhood memories and I suddenly realized that what happened to me wasn’t normal, and I sank into a dark depression. I began smoking weed just so I could get to sleep at night, and really just used drugs as much as possible to escape the memories and pain that kept replaying in my mind. I eventually confided in a friend that I was thinking about committing suicide, and he called my parents and told them he was worried about me. My parents quickly got me in for what would be my first counseling experience. Those experiences helped me to move forward without wanting to end my life, but they didn’t address the core feelings I had buried inside.

As an adult I found myself struggling with substance abuse in various forms. Over time I quit drinking alcohol, but traded it for a brief addiction to Adderall, and eventually would again settle on smoking weed as a way to manage my negative emotions for quite a few years. As time went on, I began to realize that this was not a sustainable pattern. In 2018, I had been working long hours at my job, and my mother-in-law passed away from cancer. I believe these events triggered a form of mental breakdown for me. I knew I needed help, so I set out to find a place that could help me sort through my issues. I went through counseling at two different places, which did provide some positive experiences by allowing me a safe place to share and work through painful memories. Neither experience really got to the root of the false beliefs I had internalized though, so I again found myself repeating cycles of past behaviors.

Around this time, I had begun to hear about CrossCounsel through a local men’s group. I began listening to the podcasts regularly and couldn’t deny the power of the testimonies I would hear on there. After experiencing more of the same behavioral patterns and continued use of marijuana to manage my negative emotions, I knew I had more work to do. This time, I set up my first session with CrossCounsel. To date, I have seen results in some form during each session, but I had a profound moment of truth I experienced in one of my sessions late last year. In that session I went to 4 or 5 memories from my childhood, and the Lord showed me that I had felt unsafe in all of them. After that, I felt the Lord tell me that He is safe. The effect this had on me was immediate. Although I had always known in my head that Jesus was safe, I knew that my heart just believed it for the first time as I experienced a peace and warmth that came over me.

In the months that followed, I eventually realized that I no longer had the instinctive reaction to smoke weed when faced with negative emotions, like I had done for years before. I still have other things I need the Lord’s healing for in more sessions to come, but for the first time ever, I feel ok to allow myself to feel negative emotions and not feel like I have to run away. This is a huge victory for me. It was something I tried to do on my own so many times before, only to continue to repeat the same cycle over and over again.

One thing I’ve learned from my time at CrossCounsel is that God’s healing is a two-part process. The Lord is the one who knocks on the door of our heart, but we have to open the door and let Him in. We have to invite him into the darkest corners of our minds, into the places where we often don’t want to go to ourselves. Jesus himself said in Revelation 3:20, “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” In my story, I could hear God knocking on the door of my heart, but I could not see the door that I needed to open. I could not see how to get to that door due to smoke caused by years of emotional fires burning in my mind and heart that had obscured my vision. CrossCounsel helped direct me to that door. They could not open the door for me, but they helped me to recognize where the knocking was coming from, and how to turn the handle to open the door and let Jesus in. For that, I am extremely grateful.

I’d like to thank everyone here today for your donations and financial support for this life changing ministry. As someone who has personally been in a situation where I knew I was only a session or two away from healing but unable to pay for it on my own, I want to tell you how significant of a gift it is to provide that experience for someone.

Thank you for letting me share my story.

Father's Day reflections, 2024

I want to take a moment to wish a Happy Father's Day to many of the great men that I know. I have been incredibly privileged to have two great men as fathers in my life, both who have been an incredible blessing to me throughout the years. To me it is a true testament of God's love and goodness in seeing how He can bring something great out of something as terrible as a divorce, yet that is part of my family's story.

There is no such thing as a perfect father, except for God himself, but I have been fortunate to know many great fathers outside of my own family too. Several of those men have shared their valuable wisdom with me as I grow as a father myself. I am so thankful for every one of the great men that I know, those who are out there every day fighting to provide for their family and to protect them, and to be an example of love.

To all the fathers I know who are reading this, stay strong and stay in the fight. Don't give up on your family. God's design for family is the best and perfect design. The role of a father and mother cannot be underestimated in their importance in bringing up healthy children. We live in a world now though where Satan is on the frontline, working hard every day to minimize the significance of the man and especially fathers, and to portray us as terrible and unnecessary. It couldn't be further from the truth. Those are all lies from the enemy himself.

As many good fathers as there are out there, there are unfortunately far too many bad fathers also. Those are the men who put their own selfish desires and interests ahead of their family and have sacrificed them for their own selfish gain. Let us show the world what it looks like to be a good father and to imitate God's love for us within our own space and realm of influence. Let us not diminish the significance of living out what we teach our kids, and to be consistent with God's teaching. Our kids, and the world, can spot a hypocrite from a mile away. Let us band together to mutually encourage one another. We all have hard days, we all have struggles, let's be honest with each other and talk about it so we don't fall victim to the traps of the enemy. Let's be the fathers that God has called us to be.

A God after our own hearts

Perfection is not something that God ever expects us to attain here on Earth, yet how many of us expect that of ourselves? Maybe some of us grew up with a critical parent and we project those ideas onto God thinking that every time we fail, He is right there waiting to throw our failures back in our face. An honest reading of the Bible would show us that our God is always willing to forgive us for those failures as long as we are moving towards him in all that we do. When Jesus walked on Earth he made it very clear that the motives of the heart matter far more than actions themselves, but actions usually reveal what's in the heart. This doesn't mean that we get a free pass on what we do, but intentional sin is very different from stumbling along the way. Some of us have tons of baggage that we are still sorting through and it can take a long time to refine our behaviors so they are in line with His purposes. He knows we will fail, He knows we're not perfect.

The Bible is full of examples of people that set their hearts on the Lord, yet stumbled in their walk many times. David is described as having a heart for God, yet struggled with some pretty horrible sins. Once his sin was exposed and he was aware of it he did not make excuses or dwell in it, he simply repented, asked for forgiveness, got back on his feet and started moving towards God again. Peter, one of the most well-known disciples of Jesus, as he was walking on the water towards Jesus began to falter in his faith and to sink beneath the water. His response was to call out to Jesus in his need and ask for help. This same Peter faltered in his faith while Jesus was being interrogated and he denied him three times as Christ said he would. Once he became aware of his behavior, he wept and I believe his heart turned towards Jesus again. Peter went on to be one of the founding members of the Christian Church and to die as a martyr for his faith.

Our God is not sitting and waiting for us to sin so that he can immediately condemn us. He is wanting to change our hearts, and to turn us into the sorts of people that choose Him over and over instead of the fleeting pleasures and sins that the world lives for. He does not expect us to be perfect, but he desires all of our hearts to be given to him completely. There is an enemy who will be there to condemn you every time you sin, and to remind you of your failures over and over, his name is Satan, do not confuse the two.

Come and follow me

Currently, I am reading the book of Acts in the bible, and in particular looking at the conversion of Saul after he has a personal encounter with Jesus. What I am struck by the most is his immediate conversion, how it happened so quick that word couldn't even circulate for people to know ahead of time. This is obvious when we see the reaction of the disciples that he is coming into contact with, because they are initially terrified of him due to his reputation up to that point. Saul was not just any Jewish person, he was a Pharisee and focused heavily on the persecution, and even execution, of the new Christian believers at the time. When Paul met Jesus on the road to Damascus though, everything changed instantly. He literally did a 180 and went from persecuting Christ and His faithful followers, to preaching the good news of the gospel, even to his own detriment. He considered it worth the cost though, in his own words he said, "I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace," (Acts 20:24 NIV).

I find it inspiring when I see the stark contrast between Paul's former life, versus his life after he met Jesus. As Christians, we may not all have such opposite circumstances as he did, yet if we follow him faithfully according to His word, I believe that everyone should see a difference in our lives. When we look at how Jesus called his disciples, they all immediately respond to His calling and follow Him, leaving the life they formerly led. This involves a laying down of our own priorities and beliefs, and replacing them with His own. Following Christ comes at a cost, but as Paul pointed out, it is worth everything in the end. If we claim to follow Jesus, but our lives never change, and we look just like the rest of the people living in the world, there is no power in our testimony. The world would be unconvinced of who Jesus is if we just keep on doing what we have always done before, or what everyone else does. If our belief system looks more like what's going on in the world than what God has revealed in His word, I would say we need to look up and we may find that rather than having our eyes on Jesus nailed to the cross, we are following a golden calf of our own creation.

Although we are not saved by works or our deeds, they do still matter. The outward sign of a transformed heart and life should be visible in our actions and how we treat people, which should be in alignment with this faith that we proclaim. In the book of James, it is said that "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead," (James 2:26). Many other religions say that we are saved by our works, that hopefully when we die we have done more good than bad things and it will all work out. The bible has much to say on this subject, which is why it stands out as so different compared to other world religions. We are not saved by our works, we are saved by the redeeming work of Jesus Christ, who lived the perfect life that no human being could ever live, and then he offered it as an atoning sacrifice for all of humanity who would accept Him. It is not enough to just say with words though that we believe and accept Jesus.  The person who encounters Jesus and accepts His calling on their life should respond by walking away from the former life, and by striving to do the will of God moving forward. Jesus had this to say about those who do not live according to the faith they proclaim with their mouth only, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’" (Matthew 7:21-23).

Let us strive to put aside the old ways of thinking and living, and aim for the life that God has in mind for us. It is not guaranteed to be an easy life, the bible offers a picture of a hard life actually, likened to "taking up our cross" as Christ himself did. Let us draw inspiration from Paul and others in the bible who experienced God's transforming power, considered the personal cost of following Him, and said yes to His ways instead of their own. In turn, our lives will be transformed as we trust Him to help align our desires and values with His own, and the world should see the difference. Take heart, because he has overcome the world, so get out of the boat, and follow Him. Take up your mat, and walk.

Don't look back

Lately I've been reading through the Old testament again and one thing I'm reflecting on this morning is how many times God had warned his people not to return to a life of sin, and how many times his people chose to not listen. It's easy to take the position of a modern reader looking at the Bible and to yell at the pages, "No! Stop! What's wrong with you guys?!" I know how the story goes, the Bible documents countless times of humanity's constant wavering in their faith and trust in God, and in return getting themselves into terrible situations. But I have to acknowledge, one thing that always strikes me about the Bible is even though many years have passed between these stories and our current time, the Bible tells us "‭What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun," Ecclesiastes 1:9 NIV‬. The same pattern of God redeeming mankind, and eventually man turning away from God to return to the very thing he saved them from, continues to happen regularly today.

I believe there are many reasons for this: arrogance, pride, greed, the list goes on. Another powerful reason that I can personally relate to is when we have unhealed, traumatic memories, that we allow to continue to have power over us. Satan absolutely loves a person who is stuck in the past, because he loves to get in there and poke at the wound and make it hurt again. In our pain, we can sometimes fail to trust in God's goodness and take things into our own hands to try and cope. We can say things like, "God, why won't you take this pain from me?" I believe that this perspective of wanting God to teleport us out of a painful event or memory fails to have a biblical foundation, it's main focus is finding a quick fix for our present situation.

After years of being enslaved by Egypt, God redeemed ancient Israel and promised to bring them into the promised land, a land "flowing with milk and honey." God of course could have teleported Israel right then and there into that land, but instead he led them on a long journey through the desert and wilderness to get there. Many of the ancient Israelites complained against God and longed for their old life, not trusting God in his promises and instead trusting on what they could see with their eyes that could be a "quick fix" to whatever problem was in front of them.

In complete honesty, at various points I have found myself too focused on the pain in front of me and I too have longed for things that God had already freed me from. I have even temporarily returned to some of those things, only to find that in the long run those things actually made things worse for me, just like I remembered. At one point I remember asking God why I had to walk through something very painful that I was going through, and I very clearly felt him tell me, "because you can." At the time it really wasn't the answer that I was looking for, but looking back I can see that I was stronger than I thought I was and that God had equipped me with all that I needed to walk through that point in my life, I just needed to trust him. Several years later from that event now, I can see all of the growth and trust that happened while I was walking through that incredibly difficult period of my life. If God had simply beamed me out of that rough spot and fast forwarded to the future, I would not have grown at all in my faith or in my personal qualities that he is now using for his purposes. 

My question for all of us today is, regardless of where we're at in our walk, are we trusting God at his promise to take us to that same promised land? Or do we find ourselves longing for the things that he has freed us from, looking for a quick fix to our present situation rather than trusting that he is walking alongside of us and will get us to the destination he has promised? God is good, and he will do as he promised, the choice to trust is up to us.

The depth of our trust

Anxiety. The first definition I found when I looked it up is as follows: "A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties." Anxiety can be absolutely paralyzing to an individual who suffers from it. Some of us are more inclined to be anxious than others, for one reason or another. Whatever the underlying reason is, anxiety can keep us imprisoned, unable to make decisions, unable to enjoy life, or even unable to fully trust the Lord as we try to control our own lives rather than submitting to his plans.

As I read the words of Jesus in Matthew 6:25-27, I ask myself, where is my trust at? Do I fully believe that even if my life comes with hardships or painful loss, that I can still fully trust him with my life and say that he is a good God? If my worst nightmares came true, would my faith be shipwrecked? If I choose to live in an anxious state, how can I make my life any better? In the end, none of us truly has control, there are always going to be things out of our reach and able to remind us that we are not the masters of our lives. It's ok to have anxiety, but it's what we do with it that matters. Do we allow it to call the shots in our lives, letting it be master rather than our Lord? Or do we choose to walk forward in faith, putting our trust in God even when we don't understand why something is happening? I believe that when we walk in faith in spite of fear and anxiety, that we come to have the peace that he offers us: "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus," ‭(Philippians 4:7 NIV‬).

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“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

(Matthew 6:25-27 NIV‬)

Easter: Our resurrection hope

Happy Easter everyone. In looking back at the life of Jesus and his followers, I would say that today was the game changer. Any loss of hope and any discouragement that was plaguing them after seeing their teacher be crucified was turned on it's head after this momentous day. It is crazy to me when I read the gospels and I see how many times that Jesus literally told his followers how things were going to go down, but when it happened they all just fell apart.

One example where Jesus revealed the upcoming chain of events is Matthew 16:21 (NIV‬), "From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life." This wasn't a single prediction either, he did this multiple times, and when it happened just as he said it would, his followers scattered and were absolutely devastated. It says in John 20:19, that after Jesus died and was resurrected, "On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jewish leaders, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!"" They were so afraid of being persecuted by the religious leaders that they locked themselves in a room together, when all of a sudden Jesus shows up.

Jesus didn't just appear to one or two people, an account which would be easy to refute. No, in ‭1 Corinthians 15:5-8 (NIV‬) it says "that he appeared to Cephas, and then to the Twelve. After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers and sisters at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep. Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles, and last of all he appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born."

I believe Christianity to be true primarily on an intellectual basis. Although I have had many personal encounters and experiences with God, those do not provide the foundation of my faith. When I look at the mountain of evidence I find it all in favor of this gospel being true. When you read the Bible and are actually open to what it has to say, you soon realize there is simply no way this is made up by people. I think that a lot of people who criticize the Bible or say it is impossible to believe have never actually read it themselves. I also find it very interesting at how many people say the Bible is too hard for them to believe, yet they often have alternate beliefs, often spiritual,  that in my opinion take even more faith to believe in.

I think that a large part of people who reject Christianity do so on an emotional basis rather than for logical reasons. There are many reasons for this, people see hypocrisy, spiritual abuse, the list goes on, but in the end they reject Jesus because they don't like what they see in people. This cannot be discounted and it deserves sensitivity from Christians to listen to people who have been hurt or burned by those in the church. Still, the problem is that when you reject Jesus for those reasons, you're not actually rejecting him based on who he is, you're rejecting him because of people failing to represent him properly. That's why it is so important to go to the source and do your own research. The Bible actually challenges us to "‭Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him," (Psalms 34:8 NIV‬). Don't look to people, look to Jesus. People get it wrong all the time unfortunately because we are subject to our failing bodies and sinful nature. Go to Jesus, the source.

If Jesus' resurrection was a made-up story, Christianity would never have gotten as far as it has. If Christianity weren't true, so many of Jesus' followers and members of the early church wouldn't have been willing to die for it, but they did. I believe that Christianity provides the best framework that allows me to make sense of the world when I look at it through my own eyes. I believe that Jesus is the living son of God, and that he is exactly who he said he was. I believe that he died and rose again, proving his authority as the son of God. I believe that the power of the gospel is as true today as it was back then and it is demonstrated in the lives of those who believe him and follow him closely. The truth of the Bible literally changes people's lives if we allow it to.

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes," (‭Romans 1:16 NIV‬).

He is risen.

He is risen indeed!